They used to call me 'relationship girl'.
This amused me, for at school I was infinitely single.
My first relationship in 6th form was all the consuming type of first love with a very unhappy ending.
Perhaps it was because I felt I was't good enough or maybe I just wanted things to be perfect but I used to become a person I wasn't. I thought that in order to be a good girlfriend or to be loveable that I had to become who my other half wanted me to be. I was also a bit of a pushover and would blame myself completely for anything bad that happened.
I also came in second best many times and in different ways in different relationships. Behind friends, businesses and unsurprisingly children. Being second best to someone who you put first is hard. I always wanted my partner to be my number one, and I theirs.
I'm not perfect, far from it, I've made countless mistakes along the way, who hasn’t? Sometimes people are bad for you, and you for them, we aren't suited for every person and that’s what makes life interesting.
My dad always told me I would be best ending up with my best friend, and he was, (annoyingly) as usual correct. Your best friend has been through ups and downs, seen you at your best and at your worst and you trust them. I've been in relationships where trust was scarce, but I trust my fiancé completely and he trusts me.
I know who I am now and I also know I shouldn’t change who I am to fit my other half (although occasionally perhaps I should let him win an argument). I feel incredibly lucky to have found love with my best friend and maybe being relationship girl has finally worked out for me.
Ax
